


Inner turmoil

by Fandomnerdfrogs



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Hatred, Trans Leo, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomnerdfrogs/pseuds/Fandomnerdfrogs
Summary: Bonds are torn, everything is wrong and Leo has to repair what he started.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	Inner turmoil

**Author's Note:**

> This could get a little real so please be careful.

Donnie heard his brother in his room, he didn't move, didn't talk, just stood behind him.

"I'm sorry." Leo muttered, scuffing his feet on the ground.

"What?" Donnie growled, setting down his soldering iron and glaring at his brother.

"I'm sorry." Leo said after clearing his voice.

"Oh." Donnie paused, watching as Leo wiped his face with the sleeve of his hoodie."Can you just promise if anything like that happens again you tell us? Otherwise Raph's gonna have a fit. "

"Sure. I gotta protect my big Bro." Leo joked.

Silence filled the air as Donnie turned back to his work, ignoring Leo, unsure what to say. He never knew what to do or say in situations like this. Dr feelings always told him to talk out his feelings and yet, he didn't know what he felt. It was mostly just pain and numbness. He just prayed his brothers were alright.

_"What do you mean someone said that to you?" Raph shouted as he almost threw Leo's phone on the ground, walking into the main room of the lair._

_"Someone was spreading idiocy, I pulled a Donnie and they started to shout at me." Leo shouted back, already tired of everything._

_"This was two months ago. You hid this from us for two months." Mikey quivered, tears spilling down his face._

_Leo's breath caught in his throat, his brothers were hurt. Because of him. "You didn't need to know!" he protested, trying not to cry himself._

_"You hid idiots on the Internet who hurt you and you ended up taking it out on yourself. We needed to know!" Donnie screamed._

_"Can we stop talking about this please." Leo begged._

_It was too much. He wanted it to stop. He wanted it to go away. Just like before. And yet it didn't._

_"No. Leo you removed part of yourself. And then you ignored us. We have to talk about this!" Mikey cried._

_"We can talk when I want to talk." Leo growled as he started walking away to his room, done with everything._

_The three remaining brothers stood in silence, trying not to let their emotions overpower them._

_"Why does he always do this." Mikey whispered as he broke down into silent sobs._

Leo watched his brother working and tried to pull out his phone, realising Raph probably still had it. A small sigh escaped his lips and he rose out of his seat and stepped into the main area of the lair. His brothers were nowhere to be seen but he heard the faint sound of the oven, the side of a spoon hitting a bowl and Mikey muttering to himself. Leo slowly made his way over to the kitchen and peered his head in, finding his brother stress baking and beating eggs in to the batter.

"You're doing it again." Leo muttered, making his younger brother jump and drop the bowl he was holding.

It fell to the ground and shattered, sending glass and batter across the room. Mikey groaned and grabbed a tea towel, ignoring Leo's questions as to whether he was alright or not. He scrubbed at the floor, picking up the glass and shoving them into his apron pocket. His brother bent down and started helping him with the glass and wiping the floor with a damp cloth.

"Please stop." Mikey whispered, pushing his brother's hands away.

"Mikey-"

"Please Leo. I just want to be alone." Mikey folded in on himself, shaking and sobbing.

Muttering to himself over and over again, he rocked back and forth on his knees, trying to comfort himself.

"I'm sorry. I was such an idiot. I should've told you sooner." Leo cried as he patted Mikey's back, trying not to get covered in batter and glass.

"You didn't even tell us. You didn't-"

"I know, I know."

The kitchen slowly filled with sniffles as the two slowly moved into a hug. A slow five minutes passed before the two disbanded their hug.

"So, what now?" Leo asked as he looked around the kitchen.

"Clean up. And then I wanna restart my cookies." Mikey sighed, as he stole the tea towel from his brother.

"Can I help you this time? You didn't even have chocolate chips." Leo asked, standing up and remeasuring some of the ingredients.

"Yeah well I didn't want to get the stool. I'm too short to reach, remember?" Mikey scoffed.

"Raph hid them again?"

"Worried about me stress eating the chocolate in bulk again." A small smile was shared between the two and they set themselves to work, making their infamous chocolate chip cookies.

_'Great, another celebrity trying to brainwash our children into being gay. Time to boycott.'_

_Anger seethed out of Leo's teeth as he started typing his response._

_'I'm sorry to hurt your bubble (but not really) but when I was a kid there were no celebrities who were gay or trans, and yet here I am, living my best life. These guys are teaching kids it's okay to be themselves. <3.' _

_His finger hit the send button and he turned off his phone, placing it on his nightstand and throwing himself down onto the mountains of pillows and blankets._

_It took him a month before he gave in. Burying himself in his blankets and covering his face to hide his crying from his family. They warned him about idiots online and yet he pulled a Donnie and fought one. They kept coming at him. Screaming at him, sending threats. Telling him he was wrong. He wanted it to stop. He wanted it to go away. He didn't want any of this. If being himself was wrong to the point of being a crime, maybe he didn't want to be himself. His brothers would never support it. He couldn't think of anyone who would. He threw the pillows off of him and looked around his room. Flags and lights hung from everywhere, reminding him of who he was and what he was proud of. That was what they wanted. To strip away their pride. To hit them where it hurt the most. He shouldn't have let it get to him. He knew he should be better than that. His phone buzzed and he picked it up, seeing the twitter notification._

_'You should be disgusted with yourself.'_

_It slipped from his hand and hit the floor as he started sobbing. He looked up at his flags and their fixtures. Reaching up, he slowly pulled them undone, watching as it fell to the ground in a crumpled mess, tears slowly staining the fabric. He tore himself apart._

Mikey glanced between his brother's reflection and the rising cookies. Somehow they managed to make up, somehow everything was fine. Yet he knew there was a tear between them.

"I think they're done. Where are the oven gloves?" Leo mused.

"I've got them." Mikey responded as he opened the oven, stepping back as the air blew up into his face.

He reached in and grabbed the tray, pulling out the golden cookies and almost melting at the smell.

"Oh my gosh I missed this! Which one do we try first?" Leo gushed, his eyes turning wide and his smile becoming impossibly large.

"Maybe this one?" Mikey pointed to a small cookie with the weirdest shape.

"It has fifteen sides." Leo commented.

"What's one of those called? Ugh. Donnie would know, can you text him?"

"Sure! Where's your phone?"

"It's dead. What about yours?"

Leo paused before mumbling that Raph still had it. A wave of awkwardness washed over Mikey and he set down the cookies.

"You go get the icing, I'll talk to Donnie." He said with a smile.

"Wait do we ice cookies?" Leo asked.

"We do now!" Mikey responded as he ran off towards Donnie.

The lair was still eerily silent as he ran through, sliding into his brother's lab and tackling him in a hug.

"Did you run here from the kitchen?" Donnie asked, as his brother panted for breath.

"Yeah. Leo and I were baking and we suddenly thought to ourselves what's a fifteen sided shape called and we thought of you. So, what's a fifteen sided shape called?" Mikey asked.

"It's a pentadecagon, why are you covered in batter and is that glass?" Donnie shouted, noticing Mikey's knees and legs.

"Yeah. I dropped a bowl and sat on the floor for like twenty minutes."

"Michelangelo!"

"What?"

"I swear you need adult supervision sometimes." Donnie sighed as he made his way over to the kitchen with Mikey in tow.

They walked inside and Donnie stopped in his tracks. Leo hunched over his third cookie and delicately applied the icing onto the cookie. Despite the odd shapes of the foods, he had made some of the most beautiful gradients with delicate details.

"How the?" Donnie asked, his mouth agape as Mikey started gasping in glee.

"It's called effective time management. Also I'm somehow good at this." Leo responded, showing them the orange and yellow gradient and purple and pink gradient.

"These are so cool! What one are you doing now?" Mikey gushed as he took his with the tips of his fingers.

"Raph's. I know I want to do a red base but I'm not sure what to fade to. Or I could just write 'I'm sorry' on a red background. Either one." Leo responded without much thought.

Mikey and Donnie shared a glance and it dawned on them.

'He doesn't know?' Donnie mouthed.

'Nope.' Mikey mouthed back.

"Okay well on that note, I have some work to do. I'll see you later." Donnie announced as he walked out the room.

Leo glanced back and slightly deflated before continuing on with the icing.

"Hey so um, you should know something…" Mikey said with a hesitant sigh.

"Know what?" Leo asked, setting down the icing.

"After everything happened, Raph lost it. He took a trip to the surface and spent some time with April. As far as I know he's still there." Mikey explained.

Leo looked at his brother and at the cookie. The red icing was a perfect circle. Perfectly smooth for the words 'I'm sorry' to be placed on top.

"I have to go. I- he- I have to go." Leo muttered, grabbing the cookie and running out of the room.

Mikey stood in a stunned silence and rushed over to his charging phone. He slammed his password in and brought up his conversation with April.

M: hey not to alarm you but Leo's on his way

A: wait for real? What do I do?

M: warn Raph???

A: on it. Why is Leo coming over?

M: apologising. For what happened.

A: oh. Oh dear.

M: yeah.

A: how long do we got?

M: like 5 mins.

A: okay. Imma tell Raph. I'll tell you how it goes.

M: thank you!!! Mikey placed his phone down and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

_Leo sat in his room and stared up at the blank walls ignoring the onslaught of buzzing from his phone. Sure things had gotten somewhat better, sure he'd gotten over most of it. But something kept nagging at the back of his mind. Reaching under his bed, he slowly made his way through the piles of books and random laundry and found the familiar fabrics of his flags. He pulled them out and stared at them again._

_"What do I do?" He asked himself._

_"Are you okay?" someone asked from his doorway. Glancing up he saw his brothers stood, watching over him. He blinked tears out of his eyes and turned to his brother._

_"Yeah I'm good. What's up?" Leo replied._

_"Nothing much. It's just you've been shutting yourself away and I wanted to make sure you're okay and not lying to us." Raph sighed, sitting beside his brother on his bed._

_"Ha, when was the last time I lied to you?"_

_"Leo." Raph used his tell tale big brother voice and Leo's voice caught in his throat._

_"I was on twitter and someone was being homophobic. I said something stupid and…" Leo paused, unable to find the words._

_He grabbed his phone and brought up the messages, he wasn't sure why he didn't block, report and delete but he showed it to his brother.Raph turned pale and scrolled through his phone, showing his brothers. Leo knew they couldn't react properly. He couldn't expect them to._

_"Is this?" Donnie asked, his eyes turning wide, and anger boiling in his veins._

_"Yeah." Leo read his brother's emotions and started to flee the room, only for Raph to grab his wrist._

_"Someone said this to you." Mikey whispered. Leo looked at his brother's and saw their faces. Hurt. Pain. Sorrow. **Betrayal.** That was all he could see. _

_He pulled away and stormed out of his room, "Someone said that to me." "_

_What do you mean someone said that to you?" Raph shouted as he almost threw Leo's phone on the ground, walking into the main room of the lair._

_And all hell broke loose._

The TV adverts drowned out the sounds of NY and the sounds of his brother trying to open the window from the outside. Raph knew April wanted to let him in, she kept glancing at the window and looking back at her phone,probably talking to Mikey again.

"This isn't my place to say but you should let him in." she muttered.

"I should. But I won't." Raph huffed, ignoring Leo.

April groaned and made her way to the window, opening it and feeling the chill from the streets.

"It's freezing out there! Come in, get warm and I'll get you some hot chocolate. Raph do you want some too?" she shouted as she draped a blanket over the turtle.

Raph gave no answer and April gave a slight tut before deciding to make him some anyway. She left the room, leaving the two alone to talk, a clever ploy on her part.

"Raph-"

"I don't want to hear it." Leo fell silent and slowly pulled something out of his hoodie pocket and placed it by Raph's side.

"Just call me if you wanna talk." Leo whispered as he started climbing back out through the window.

Glancing from his brother to the cookie, Raph made a rash decision.

"Wait." he sighed.

Leo turned around to his brother, unsure of what to do. Raph patted the sofa and watched as Leo sat beside him, moving the cookie so he didn't break it.

"I made this for you." He whispered, handing his brother the cookie.

Raph took it in his hands and mused over the elaborate lettering.

'I'm sorry'

"I don't really have much to say. But I'm sorry." Leo hung his head in shame, letting the silence weigh down on them.

"I don't forgive you." Raph whispered, making his brother tremble. He placed his arm around his brother's shoulders and pulled him in tight. "But I still love you. I'm here if you need me. We all are."

Leo slowly broke down crying, burying himself into Raph's arms. He kept muttering the words 'I'm sorry." over and over. They sat like that for five minutes, enduring adverts for movies that Leo saw as pointless, waiting for April to finish making their drinks. She walked in, three cups miraculously in her hands as she handed them to her friends.

"I assume that with all the crying and hugging you two are cool?"

"I guess so." Raph smiled, glancing down at his brother.

"I hope so." Leo laughed, pulling away from the hug.

The three shared a brief laugh before April sat down to watch TV.

"What are we watching again?" Leo asked, sipping his hot cocoa.

"The irresistible blueberry farm is up next. It's hallmark." April responded, watching as Leo's face contorted with confusion.

"What's the plot?" Leo asked.

"We don't know. We just finished 'You're bacon me crazy'." Raph responded.

A million thoughts ran through Leo's mind, most of them questioning what on earth was going on between the two and why they were watching hallmark movies of all things.

"At least you didn't join us for real housewives. That gets heated real fast." April laughed.

"Also we will talk through the entire movie just to warn you." Raph whispered.

The movie started and they became fixated on the movie in front.

_The ticking of the clock kept Leo company, reminding him he wasn't alone and yet somehow mocking him. How long had it been since the fight? An hour? Enough for things to cool down. He guessed. They never had anything this bad. Sure there was the occasion shouting or argument. Or death defying stunt. But it was never like this. He rose from the comfort of his pillow mountain and walked into the dingy light of the lair. Light protruded from the lab, indicating that his twin was probably working on one of his many projects. While Leo would normally pester his brother without a second thought, he hesitated. Would Donnie want to see him? Would he be able to apologise for everything? Or would the world explode? Probably not. But the idea loomed over him. He made his way over, slowly stepping into the harsh purple and blue light._

The movie faded into black and the TV rolled on into an advert. Death Al dente was shown and April and Raph gasped.

"Next week's movie?" April asked.

"Next week's movie!" Raph agreed.

Leo sat in silence and thought about his life and what it had succumbed to.

Leo and Raph cambered out of the window, laughing and complaining at the cheesy movie they just watched.

"Why do you make yourself endure that?" Leo whined, jumping down the alley floor and lifting the sewer grater.

"It's fun to mock stupid movies. Did you see how ridiculous that was? I mean, it's stupid." Raph responded, jumping down into the familiar area of the new York City sewers. They walked through the sewers, laughing and being themselves. They stumbled into the lair, making their brothers on the second floor jump from the sound.

"What is going on?" Donnie shouted.

"A bit of family bonding." Leo responded.

"Wait did you guys make up?" Mikey called out.

"You say that is if it wasn't inevitable." Raph shouted back.

"It didn't feel like that at the time." Leo muttered.

The two shared a knowing glance before walking up to the second level, preparing to talk with their brothers.

"So, what now?" Leo asked. "Wanna watch a movie?" Mikey suggested.

"Please not a rom com. I can't take another hallmark movie." Leo groaned, almost falling to the ground in a dramatic act of despair.

Laughter filled the room as they watched Leo's antics and moved to the living room, knowing that somehow, they would get through it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, please leave feedback!


End file.
